Quiet – but Loud for Jesus

“I am fairly new to Word Fellowship Church. I have been encouraged to begin to tell my story, but I am shy. It is, I suppose, because of my past. I am used to being alone and unnoticed. But at church I am noticed, and I feel nervous. I feel total love in my heart and I feel much love from everyone at church, but I feel I don’t belong – at least not yet.

I have been isolated for so many years, that knowing I will have to dress and be with people I don’t know is very stressful to me. I’m not sure what to say when people talk to me.

I totally love the Sunday sermons. I listen to the service on my computer once a week after church.

I go to AA meetings every day, as often as I can, unless my family wants me, as I am still trying to set healthy boundaries there. Sometimes I don’t know whether to be with them or stick to my schedule; I have so little family left.

I feel such shame that I have done so much wrong, but I am always reminded at the end of every service that I have the opportunity to talk to God and ask His forgiveness.

I adore Word Fellowship Church, and everyone has been amazing, but I feel so uncomfortable at times.

I have been isolated for almost 15 years, and I can barely stand to touch other people’s hands – let alone hug. But as crazy as it seems, I find myself reaching out lately to hug others first – go figure!

I am not yet comfortable standing and raising my hands at church, but I can raise my hands and sing almost at the top of my lungs for the Lord at home.

I am greeted with so much love and acceptance, but I still feel so nervous and out of place at times. One day or week I can feel so comfortable and the next I feel so uncomfortable. But I will definitely keep coming back, because I feel happier since I have been attending this beautiful little church.

I want to feel that sense of belonging. Right now, I feel like a baby looking to others to guide me, which is an odd feeling. I am older than many of those who lead in the church and, at times, feel out of place. But I am not new to the LORD.

God had a friend bring me here, and I want to keep coming back to hear God’s Word. I guess I can still have baby steps, even at  50+ years old.

I’m guessing this is all part of God’s plan!”

-“Quiet…But Loud for Jesus” by Loreen, 06/12

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